How often do you go down on your partner before intercourse? And intercourse aside, how often do you engage in oral sex just for the sake of… oral sex?
If the numbers are low, I have to say: You and are your partner are missing out. I mean, I know. It can be near-impossible to resist diving in to sexy time penis first. But an intense session of cunnilingus can definitely add something to your intimate life that neither of you are getting from the same old in-and-out.
So what’s the big deal?
For one thing, giving her oral sex can be a great form of foreplay. Your partner may not have mentioned this to you, but women typically are not ready for intercourse after just one arm caress and a boob grope. They often prefer a warming-up period in order to become physically and psychologically aroused, which, in turn, makes it easier for them to experience pain-free sex and, perhaps, even reach orgasm(s).
But oral sex doesn’t even have to be used as foreplay. For a really intense sexual experience, try making cunnilingus the main event. In many cases, women orgasm more reliably from cunnilingus than they do from intercourse.
But you have do it right. Giving her oral sex is not as simple as merely thrusting your tongue into her vagina and making it do the wiggle. Nay. Mind-blowing oral sex requires some actual technique.
Mark Coriddi, author of The Mount Method: a Guide to Pleasuring Women, suggests first establishing a “mount.” Nope. Not a “dismount” (though cunnilingus does require a bit of oral gymnastics). Achieving a mount means that your mouth and her pubic area come together in such a way as to maximize the pleasure she experiences during your mouthy ministrations.
Both men and women have a mount. According to Coriddi, a man’s mount is the area of his upper lip just above his teeth. A woman’s mount, meanwhile, is the center of the pubic bone, where there is a slight cradle into which your mount naturally fits. “Connecting your respective mounts and maintaining that persistent connection throughout the process of arousal is essential to mind-blowing oral sex,” says Coriddi. “Specifically, it allows you to firmly place your mouth just where it needs to be for maximum stimulation of your partner’s clitoris.”
To make all of this easier, consider placing a pillow or two beneath her pelvis. It will make her hot spots easier to access. Once you’re properly positioned, there are a number of things you can do in order to rock her world.
First, warm her up by caressing her inner thighs, breathing naturally so she can feel your breath on her clitoris and on the other areas of her vulva. This will help build up anticipation, making her squirm for more as you prepare to really impress her. Then, once you’re ready, begin licking her like an ice cream cone, in long, thick strokes that cover the entire area down there.
Let your licks gradually build up in intensity before plunging in fully. Once you’ve reached a certain rhythm, try mixing things up (though you should remain mindful of how she’s responding to your touch; if she’s finding a specific rhythm or touch particularly pleasurable, she may never forgive you if you suddenly change course)
What else can you do down there? Use your lips to kiss her most intimate parts, alternating those particular kisses with smooches on her thighs. Lightly nibble and then suck on entire bits of her skin. The gentle suction will feel incredible, especially if you can still manage to continue using your tongue. Blow softly across her skin, teasing her with the new sensation. Don’t be nervous about experimenting with different approaches when giving her oral sex.
Once found, a skilled cunnilinguist rarely goes unappreciated. But if you’re not sure exactly how, just press a flat, still tongue against her vulva and let her do the work. It’s the cunnilingus equivalent of letting her get on top.
One of my favorite tongue techniques that I talk about in my book She Comes First is the “Rope-a-dope”— the strategy Muhammad Ali used to take down George Foreman during the edge-of your-seat Rumble in the Jungle. Let her push and grind against your flat, still tongue — take it all in — and then spring back with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes. Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue, waiting for yet another opportune moment to spring to life again.
What’s most important while giving her oral sex is that you remain mindful of how she’s responding to you. As I write in The Cliterate male, you should never assume your partner is as excited as you are. Even if she’s wet down there, her physical arousal may not be indicative of the psychological arousal she is — or isn’t — feeling. Instead, you should be focusing on these other signs of physical arousal:
As Coriddi so eloquently puts it, cunnilingus is “a delicate dance — and she’s leading you.” If she’s not exhibiting the signs above, continue to mix up your technique. If she’s showing one or multiple signs of arousal, for the love of god, don’t stop!
As you become more comfortable with the techniques above, you can even consider investing in a vibrating tongue ring, in order to pack some extra punch down below. But, honestly, you don’t need all those bells and whistles. You just need an enthusiasm for the job at hand — and a willingness to follow her lead.
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