Eight months ago, one of my dreams almost came true. Besides being stupefied, the questions that ran through my mind when he asked me to marry him cannot be put in writing. Sadly, at that moment, the right answer was no. I know this never made sense to him but looking back, the choice I settled on ended up being beneficial to both of us.
Quite recently, destiny led me to the paths of young ladies who were dying to be in the same situation I was in. Hearing them talk about getting married and even putting deadlines on when it should happen was something I could not stop pondering about.
Weirdly, all through these conversations, I was tight lipped. I could only see girls who were outrageously excited about a part of life; that required them to change a lot about themselves before living it. From what I gathered and the reasons why I said no to my man, I came up with some of the factors which show that a lady is not ready for marriage. You might just not be set to sport a wedding gown and walk down the aisle if …
1. You have no control over your life.
This can be substantiated by the fact that everything you do is controlled by external factors and not you. It could be your friends, circumstances, family, colleagues and the world in general. At the end of it all, they make you lose your voice and determine everything you do.
Lacking control also leads you to not having a plan for your life, finances, job and goals. It is a sure sign of the confusion you are in and if you get married in such a state, you will be the one to make both of you lose direction. Take time and plan for your life before settling down. Your capability to do this and hold your own means you will also be able to do the same when you tie the knot.
2. You still are holding on to your bad addictions
Be it alcohol, pornography, drugs, overspending, flirting or being a busy body, your unhealthy addictions are a red flag which show you are miles away from taking the plunge. If you plan to end up with a sober, clear-headed husband; seek help, talk to someone or even engage your man in helping you get back your life. Try as much to work on breaking loose from your addictions through controlling them and not letting them run your life.
3. Your career is in shambles
When you have no clue of where your job or business is heading to; and your career is struggling to be on its feet, you should be worrying about it and not saying “I do”. Your career or business also make an integral part of your life because they show your strength, abilities, growth and earmark your capability in being successful.
When you are in utter disarray, for instance you have no job security, you only make profit once in a blue moon and you have been working for so long without growth, then you need to go back to the drawing board and fix it. There is only so much love can do; sustaining you financially when your man is incapable is something that can’t happen – get your sources of income right.
4. Your worst weaknesses are still a problem
We all have weaknesses that stand out; for example being temperamental, quarreling at all times, talking without listening, always jumping into conclusion; getting violent when pushed to the wall, being petty or constantly sharing our relationship problems with the world.
Whatever it is, everyone is a work in progress but you can’t always be a work in progress without results. Results are important in showing you are actually changing and getting better. Go slow on the marriage plans if your one awful weakness is still making you everyone’s nightmare. Work on it, get some results and pick from where you left.
5. Your partner’s major imperfections are worrying
There is no excuse for you to get hitched with a man who has obvious critical weaknesses that need to be changed. This could be beating you, cheating on you, disrespecting you, alcoholism, trying to control you or never listening to you. As you are working on your weaknesses, your partner should too. His readiness to get married determines your preparedness too. When his major imperfections are still a problem, then you need to give him time to improve on himself.
6. Your have poor communication skills
If you believe communication is shouting, wrangling, talking back, silent treatment, pouting, fighting; departing or ignoring the problem, then you got it all wrong.
Step back and teach yourself how to listen before turning violent, holding a conversation to the end, giving your partner the opportunity to talk, seeking solutions to the problems and having constructive conversations that will better your life and relationship. Proper communication is what can sustain your marriage; and if you cannot do it beforehand, you will always have a myriad of misunderstandings.
In addition to this, be a shrewd financial planner. Both your monies need to be used wisely and productively. Start doing this as an individual because if you know how to handle yours, it will be easy planning for the two of you. People always say you can never get ready for marriage, true; but that does not mean you just walk into one as a mess. If you are messy, expect a messy marriage.
Culled from joycarole
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