There is a huge stigma associated with dating single moms. Most men believe single moms come with a dramatic background and loads of emotional baggage. This simply isn’t true in every case.
I am lucky to have a very healthy, civil relationship with my son’s father. Another fear many men have when deciding whether or not to date a single mom is they won’t be made a priority.
I can tell you right now, if I choose to date you, you will be a priority. My time is limited, so if I choose to spend it with you, you mean something to me. Men know scheduling date nights with a single mom will be difficult and will require planning in advance.
While this is true, shouldn’t this be the case for most 20-somethings who want serious relationships? If you’re the type of guy who never puts effort into planning date nights, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with.
If anyone knows how to balance his or her life, it’s single moms. Most of us have adapted to our crazy schedules and have found ways to balance work, motherhood and an active dating life.
I have been very lucky to meet several men who have been extremely understanding of my situation. They all have been willing to put in the effort to get to know me. Rather than deeming a woman “undateable” solely due to the fact that she has a child, men should consider the many qualities that make these strong, independent women amazing partners.
Here are nine reasons to date a single mom:
- We are selfless.
We are used to putting the needs of our children before our own. Whether it’s pulling all-nighters with a colicky baby, skipping morning errands because it’s nap time or having to pass up a much-needed girls night because your kid isn’t feeling well, we are used to putting our needs last. If you become an important part of our life, we will make those same sacrifices for you because that’s how we show our love.
- We are patient.
Nothing develops patience more than raising a child. Between the lack of sleep and the stress of caring for another human being all on our own, we have a lot on our plates. If we can keep calm during the infinite temper tantrums of the terrible twos or let it go when we find permanent marker scribbles on the walls, we can definitely put up with your mistakes. We get it; you’re human, and so are we.
If you’re running late, forget details of a conversation we had or take forever to text us back, we aren’t going to snap at you. We have learned that losing our cool accomplishes nothing. In fact, it tends to escalate the situation. Motherhood has taught us valuable communication and conflict-resolution skills that will carry over into our relationships.
- If we make time for you, you’re important to us.
Between working 40 hours a week, attending grad school full-time and trying to raise an energetic two-year-old, I have very little free time for a social life. When I’m not at work, taking my son to hockey practice, working out or catching up on studying, I like to re-energize by relaxing at home. I am very picky about who I choose to go out with for this reason. I typically have one to two free nights a week, and if I choose to spend one of those nights with you, it’s because I think you’re special and worth my time.
- If we choose to date you, it’s because we see something in you.
We’re more cautious about who we choose to date than many other single women. Random hookups are a thing of the past for us; there is no way in hell we will bring a stranger into our home, whether our kids are there or not. We don’t do the whole friends with benefits, gray area thing that is so prevalent these days. When a single mom considers dating someone, there is a lot of thought that goes into that decision.
Not only do we have to consider our own personal preferences of what we want in a partner, but we also have to consider our children. We have to consider whether you would be someone we could eventually bring into their lives. When I choose to date someone, I’m not just looking for someone I’m attracted to, someone I have great sexual chemistry with or someone I share similar interests with. Unfortunately, being a mother, I have to consider the long-term. You may be tall, sexy, smart and have an amazing job, but if you don’t ever want kids, you’re an automatic no. Like I mentioned before, any time I spend with you is an investment. I can’t afford to waste my time on a guy who doesn’t have goals, a career or the desire to someday have a family.
I can’t date a guy whose favorite weekend activity is going to the bars and getting drunk because that lifestyle is so vastly different from mine. However, I’m absolutely not saying the second I meet a family-oriented guy with a good career, I’m planning to jump straight into long-term talks. But, these are all things that cross my mind when I consider a potential partner. My free time is limited, so unless you want the same things in life that I do, I don’t want to waste both of our time. When I choose to date someone, it is because I have thought long and hard about this decision. I have already weighed all the options and considered you to be someone I could see myself with long-term. I choose to date you because of your character, not just your looks. I choose to date you because you have a good heart, solid morals, ambition and goals, which are all traits I want in a male role-model for my son.
- Relationships are much more meaningful.
As a daughter of parents who have been happily married for more than 25 years, I want nothing more than to model that type of loving relationship for my son. My relationship with my son’s father had been rocky since his birth, but I wanted to make things work so my son wouldn’t have to go through the heartbreak of a broken family. However, after months of manipulation, yelling and verbal abuse in front of my son, I chose to leave. It took me months to come to terms with the situation, but I realize now how much better of a place we are in. I never want him to think it is okay for him to put his hands on a girl or to call her degrading names. I never want him to think any of that is a normal part of a relationship. I want him to grow up in a home that models love, respect and selflessness. I will do anything and everything in my power to give him that.
Single moms have seen what leads to toxic relationships, and they will devote their full effort to not repeat those mistakes. I’ve learned to choose my battles, let go of the little things and exercise the power of communication. I’ve learned if you want a relationship to work, both parties have to give 100 percent of themselves, not just a 50/50 effort. If you choose to date a single mom, you can expect stability because she won’t subject herself or her children to anything else.
- We will take care of you.
You know how your mom has the answer to every question related to health, laundry and cooking? Yeah, we know that stuff, too. Raising a hockey player, I know how to bandage up a wound and stop a nosebleed. We know how to bring down fevers and whether an illness requires a trip to the doctor or just some rest. Having accident-prone children, we know how to get every stain imaginable out of laundry or the carpet. We know how to sew those missing buttons onto your dress shirts. We know how to cook delicious meals for even the pickiest of eaters. So, if you come down with the flu, you can expect a lot of TLC from us. Sick men love to be babied, and it’s much more satisfying when it’s coming from your girlfriend rather than your mom.
- We are more mature than most women our age.
Gone are the days of late-night binge-drinking and clubbing. As a mom, most nights consist of getting the kids to bed by 8, finishing any remaining housework and then curling up in bed with a glass of wine, Netflix and a good book. When you date a mom, you don’t have to worry about her going out or what type of decision she will make when she’s having girls’ nights. On the rare nights when we do go out and drink, we limit ourselves to just a few because nothing is worse than taking care of a toddler while nursing a hungover. Our kids come first, and our decisions reflect that. We’ve learned to watch what we say and how we act because we know their little eyes and ears model our behavior.
- We can handle anything.
Barf, poop, blood: We’ve seen it all. Nothing fazes us. So, feel free to be yourself around us. We actually appreciate you being real with us. Motherhood has made us incredibly laid-back because we’re used to the curveballs that life throws us. You’ve got a job that requires you to travel a lot? We’re okay with that because we’re used to being alone, and we’re comfortable with it. Have to change plans on us last minute? We understand because we know how that goes.
- We’re independent.
Webbie said it best: “She got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs work hard, you a bad broad.” We’ve learned to do life on our own, and we aren’t looking for a man to freeload off of. We’ve learned how to play the roles of Mom and Dad. We know how to fix leaky faucets and change tires. We know how to build Legos and play catch. We’ve worked our asses off in our careers to get to a spot where we’ll never have to rely on a man to support us. We don’t want your money or for you to take us out on fancy dates. We want your companionship. We want someone to share life with, someone to vent to after long days with a whiny toddler and someone to celebrate with when life is going good.
The best part about dating a single mom is she’s independent in all the right ways, but she still wants you. I’m not above asking a man to help me fix my dishwasher or to just hold me when I’ve had a long day. We don’t need you, we just want you. Dating a single mom is not easy. Like any relationship, it requires effort, commitment and patience. Everyone has a past, and everyone has a baggage. Our pasts are what shape us into who we are today. If you can look past her complexities, I can guarantee dating a single mom will be well worth your effort.
–Ali Fuehring|Elite Daily
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